*yawn*

Hey ya'll. Life here on the range has been pretty quiet the last few days. We're coming to a close of week one of our break, and quite frankly we haven't done much. We made a trip into Birney and met with some of the kids and finished up painting the jungle gym. Then we made a trip into Billings, which meant cell phone reception and some internet time at Barnes and Noble. We attended a block party the church was throwing, and got to meet a team of adults and students that has also been working here in the community this week.

I'm sad to say that I don't have much else to share in the way of ministry or things I'm doing to further the kingdom, which quite frankly kind of bums me out. I know that we all have our quiet periods, and I can't help but wonder if this is time for me to be filled back up, so that when our last team comes in a week and a half, that I'll be refreshed, spiritually and emotionally rested and ready to pour into them. I'm also sad to say that I don't feel rested. From a sleep perspective I do, but from an emotional and spiritual standpoint I don't.

To be honest with you, God has felt kind of distant, and I know well enough that it usually means I'm pulling away from God, not him pulling away from me, but that doesn't make it any less hard. I know that God's calling me to do big things with my life, and thusfar I'm doing everything I can to follow him and stay within his will so I know that I'll be blessed. I listened to an interesting sermon online this week, regarding the beattitudes and how they are a progression. We start out as poor in spirit because we surrender ourselves and the things of this world to a life of following God's will, and from there we tend to mourn our loss, then we become meek- allowing ourselves and our powers and strengths to be harnessed and used by God. That's where the sermon stopped, because it was on the third beattitude, but just reading through them I can see how it does continue to progress. I also personally think that sometimes we can repeat stages. There are several things in life we have to give up and surrender, when we are at different places in our lives we are asked to surrender things, even good things.

A couple of years ago I was doing a study that included a 40 day fast. I chose to fast from secular music when the study began, mostly because I couldn't really think of anything else to give up. A few days into the study I felt like God was asking me to surrender a friendship that I was in, because I had turned this friendship into more than it should be- and in some ways allowed it to replace my relationship with Christ. I spent the next 40 days refocusing my life on Christ and becoming more committed to putting his will and desire for my life above my own. Well, that friend has kind of popped back into my mind over the past few days. And it really made me think about how that (and many other of my friendships and relationships) have turned out. The past two internships I've had have sort of been "love em and leave em" jobs- I get to hang out with, build relationships, and share life with groups of people for a week, and then they go home and continue on life as it was before- hopefully, not exactly as before, with the hope that God used me, or some experience from the week to change them. In a lot of ways many of my friendships and relationships are the same way. I have been a part of people's lives for a time, hoping that in some way I made a difference (positive, hopefully) and then we went our separate ways. It amazes me how God has used my friendships, and experiences to prepare me for a job in which I build mostly short-term relationships. I just hope that doesn't mean I'm not able to maintain a long-term relationship, but that's another topic for another blog... maybe.

Anyway. Thanks for following me in this silly little adventure I'm calling life right now. And for my random ramblings of what I think God is trying to teach me and show me over the next few weeks. All my love...